Santa...The Reality Series

I made this for an old site I worked with about seven or eight years ago. Yeah, I know it's not X-Mas but meh! :D

Previously on “Santa…The Reality Series,” Santa and Miss Claus, his newly acquainted mistress, went clubbing to celebrate a year’s job well done. Collecting toys and feeding the homeless left the couple feeling wonderful and thrilled – maybe too thrilled. Pounding Tequila down until seven in the morning, cussing, hugging strangers and peeing inside celebrity limos, Santa inevitably awoke with a severe hangover…two days later.

We now bring you outside Santa’s Fortress located at the North Pole.

*Comet Reindeer and Frosty enter scene*

: Wake up!
  Loser.
: Can you believe it? Christmas Eve and this guy is face first in his own vomit!
  Hah!
: Yeah, that is pretty awesome, huh?!
  Hah! It smells like Pez and Tequila.
: Yay! Hah!
   Yo! Did you see Miss Claus that night?
: Yeah! I made out with her!
   No way! Me too!
:   Awesome!
  Hah!
:   Dude, do you think Christmas is going to be canceled?
   No way man. Team 12.25 still has the reindeer fleet, Rudolph and me… the Frost-boss!
:   Dude, some sad junk coming your way…Rudolph eloped with Miss Claus yesterday. Their honeymooning in Las Vegas
   Bummer man! The other reindeer won’t work without Rudolph as their leader. Christmas is cancelled.
:   Not quite my Frosty friend, I’ve got a killer idea, bro.
   No way!
: Fraid so!
   Killer!
: This is what you gotta do…..

*Whispers incoherently*

Without Rudolph, the reindeer fleet won’t leave the North Pole. Comet had to think of a way of tricking them to believe he was Rudolph. He instructed Frosty to inform the fleet that Rudolph had sobered up and had realized what a mistake he had made running off with Miss Claus. Frosty added that Rudolph would be back later Christmas Eve’s evening.

*Comet enters Mario’s Paint Emporium*

: Hey, it’s ah me, Mario!
: Hey! I loved you in Super Mario Bros. 2.
: That’s ah nice. How may I help ah you?
:    Yeah, yeah. Um. Do you carry red paint?
: Now ah, come on ah. Can’t you read ah the sign ah?
:    Yeah, yeah. Mario’s paint and such, but can you paint me…here?
: What ah you want ah me to paint ah?
:    My nose. Paint it red.
: That’s ah no problem.
:    Sweet!

: I’m ah all finished.
:    Killer dude! How does it look?
: It ah looks like a twenty dollar bill, ah.
:    What? Dude you gotta be joking.
: I’m ah no joker, It’s ah me, Mario!
:    SHUT UP!

Walking toward the cash register, Comet promptly changes direction and runs out of the store.

Mario’s Paint Emporium is routinely stiffed or robbed by many of North Pole residents, so Mario wasn’t that surprised. Instead of waiting eight hours for the police to arrive, he usually took matters into his own hands.

*Go-kart engine starts*

: I’m ah gonna get you ya son-of-ah-bitch!

Comet was found dead by local authorities twelve hours later on Cupcake lane.

Meanwhile, Frosty had been up all night waiting for Comet to return and had lost track of time. Much like vampires, snow-people are nocturnal and could be severely harmed by the suns rays.

*Daybreak*

Frosty’s hat was found among melted snow by local authorities nineteen hours later outside Santa’s Fortress.

So children, next time you want to believe in fictitious characters, keep in mind that someone will always crush your spirits and steal your wallets. Goodnight folks!

-eep!